Bill Finger was an idea man, and I can relate. I've always had stacks of what I thought were good ideas, but only recently have I had any motivation to do anything about or with them. I'd like to share just a few of these ideas and if any of you feel inspired to swipe them, you just go right ahead. Some of my best ideas are about getting revenge on people who wrong me.
PADRE
This is an idea for a digital phone application or a digital phone application gone horribly wrong. PADRE is a sort of personalized spiritual adviser. You'd fill out a questionnaire concerning your basic beliefs of right and wrong, good and evil, and afterlife, etc. as well as giving PADRE the sound of your voice so that it could tell when you were upset, sad, nervous, or depressed. PADRE would know you inside and out and over the course of your day if you needed to be uplifted or inspired, you'd just hit your PADRE button and be thus affected. "PADRE, I didn't get the promotion.", or "PADRE, I feel so lonely." Who knows, this type of thing might exist already, but I also thought it might be interesting if through some glitch or malicious intent, PADRE began giving horrible advice to particularly susceptible people. PADRE would say things like: "Why don't you just murder him?" or "Drive your car off the road" in a soothing electronic voice.
ATTABOY
I'm not sure if the name "Attaboy" has already been used, but outside of that he's a superhero and his powers hinge upon his self esteem. On a good hair day, Attaboy could give Superman a run for his money and all would be well, but on a bad day? He couldn't take out the trash. I picture him lifting a car, a tank, a safe, or something equally heavy while someone nearby whispers to a friend that Attaboy looks like he's gained a few pounds. Upon hearing this, he weakens, and whatever he's holding crushes him into the ground.
The Bitterleys
I'm a fan of one panel gag cartoons, the likes of which you only find in "the New Yorker" these days, and I thought it might be nice to have one about a wealthy family that, by all appearances, are normal, well-adjusted successful people, but each panel would reveal instances of the reality behind closed doors at the Bitterley home. Mrs. Bitterley would be an abusive heavy drinker, Mr. Bitterly a spineless put-upon neurotic and I haven't devised any further members of the family, but two scenes would be: Mr. Bitterley tying his tie in the mirror while an inebriated Mrs. Bitterley asks him "Do you need a lawyer to make a suicide pact?" and another in which a clergyman visiting the Bitterley home is informed by Mrs. Bitterley that her faith in the power of prayer was shaken when Mr. Bitterley had a massive coronary and somehow managed to live.
Dirty Pictures
When I worked at the book store I was amazed at the myriad versions of the Kama Sutra that are on the market. Some are more spiritual, others more instructional, and others just a good excuse to print dirty pictures. Far and away my favorite editions of the Kama Sutra are those that include old Indian paintings as illustrations, in which the male participants have curled mustaches and the female participants are bejeweled and both have looks of borderline indifference despite the sexual acrobatics in which they are engaged. The pictures are so garish and gaudy that they would inspire humor more than lust, and I would amuse myself by thinking up captions for the pictures. These are some of the better ones:
Your comeliness will no doubt spur my rutting of you well into the daylight hours.
Your musk is that of an unwashed beast... No, it is good... I like this.
Who is the maharajah of this vagina? SPEAK!
I also have an idea for a romance novel, the setting of which would be the years leading up to and including the American Civil War. I call it "Gone with the Wind". Any thoughts?
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